A Thousand Nights

Ugh.. this is one of the most awkward posts I’ve written … terribly written. too random and poorly ordered … so beware ….

See, I’ve been loving this group of people for quite some time now (and no, it’s not a boy band -_-) I realy love the way they do their art so I tend to flaunt them and the stuff they make. They have this Indie vive that I’m just loving. The way they do music is so different from the stuff people normally listen to. Moreover, what they write has substance. They write real stuff. If you listen hard enough, you’ll find yourself stuck in their own realm. And it’s not that easy to find these kind of art nowadays. If I sit in frot of my TV right now and open it to a music channel, I won’t be surprised if hear songs about shakin’ yer booty and getting drunk with alcohol. Typical catchy songs..

And no, I have nothing against Pop music and culture. :)

But anyways, only few poeple know that I’m not a big fan of similarities. I mean, If I met a person that I have similar views with the even before I got to know them, then i’m cool with that. But I don’t really like it when people like the stuff that I like or do the things I do …. or the music I digg, well at least not for the wrong reasons.

Music. I judge, no, I “characterize” people by the kind of music they listen to and how they listen to it. Not the genre, just the kind of music. I love meeting people who appriciates music the way I do. But it saddens me when I meet people who listen to songs just because it’s what’s trending. People tend to listen to a song because everyone else inside the room does, sing to a song just for the sake of singing to it, or like a song because of it’s music video.

But the worst is when someone claims to “favorite” and “love” an artist that I love when in reality, he/she has only listed to ONE song.

Makes me wanna do and epic face slap and burst into tears :(

This here, is me being irrationally weird (as usual) and exclusively selfish…. and childish…. and the reason is because I WANT TICKETS TO FOSTER THE PEOPLE LIVE IN MANILA THIS OCTOBER !!!! SOMEONE GIMME TICKETS !! OR THE MONEY TO BUY ONE !!! GIMME NOW !! XD

“Yet again I’m hustling, hustling, hustling
But I can’t seem to catch a dime
Take a little hit and I lose the time”

Ugh ….

This day is definitely not gonna be on my “best days” list.

I’m a forgetful person and people who know me are well aware of that. My family, my friends and my doctor all know that my memory is not the best (I doubt if it can even be considered as good). I am not good with people and names or anything that requires remembering stuff. I just genuinely suck at it. Big time…
You see, I am ill .. sick .. or whatever you’d like to call it; It’s not contagious or anything but it is chronic. I’ve been diagnosed with it for almost two years now and have been taking meds. Meds that taste like Ugh … I never grew fond of those tablets. I never really learned to like them and I don’t think I ever will but I do want to live a normal life -or as normal as I and the meds can manage- so I need to endure.

Endure … It’s definitely easier said that done. My sickness and these meds brought about a lot of changes in my life. Emotional, physical and mental. I accepted the fact that I was sick quite easier than I expected but the meds? That’s a different question.

For the first few months of my intake, I experienced mood swings. Even I got irritated with me being moody(hehe). Up until now, I am in dear need of sleep, not naps, but constant and long sleeps. This is such a trouble specially with my academics. I have lost a handful of memories already. I can barely remember anything from my childhood and elementary days and now I noticed that I’ve already forgotten names of some of my school mates in highschool, to think that it’s only been 2 years. I walways have these post it note thingy-s with me and list down two copies of the things I need to accomplish within the day. My phone is a life saver. It rings an alarm at least three times on a normal non-busy day to remind me of things I gotta do. These work and help a bunch (just as long as I don’t forget to Set them XD)

My focus,most of the time, is also distorted . I really have a hard time with regards to paying attention to people and things. This may be weird but tend to forget conversations easily. It’s frustrating really.. I feel that I offend and upset people because they think that I don’t pay attention to them, but I do, and I always try my best to pay attention but sometimes the word “can’t” just overruns me. The neutral feeling is also a common thing for me. Not happy but not sad either. Blank.. That’s what that feeling is. Blank. Like a walking emotionless unpredictable creature.

.. back to the matter about this day not being the greatest. I was already on my way back to my dorm in elbi. My things all packed up, papers needed all prepared. I was already about to ride the jeepney when I saw the driver’s ID and “suddenly” remembered that I needed a photocopy of my mom’s. I get that or I won’t be able to enroll within this week again. So with no choice, I went back home. A good 15 minute-tricycle ride back home. It’s just a small matter but It’s really frustrating for me. When these things happen to you too often that It becomes a normal routine in your life, it becomes frustrating. Well, at least for me it does. To be normal, I have to be not normal.

Take meds everyday so I can get through each day with no fear of hurting myrself or dying- this is what accounts to me as NORMAL.

It’s been two years ….

A couple of days ago, I caught myself holding and staring at my first ever guitar, August. I bought her August of 2007, I think. Looking closely, I couldn’t help but notice that she ‘s already old and worn out- covered entirely with dust, loose tuning keys, dented head, faded position marks-, sad situation….

Nostalgic
That was the word. The moment reminded me of the first time I ever held a guitar; the first chord that I played, which was a G chord :); the first song I played and sang to. It reminded of how much I used to love and enjoy playing. How I was always so excited to go home after school and lock myself in my room to just play my guitar and sing my lungs out, not caring everytime my voice cracks… Because I wanted to play.

… and I forgot.
I forgot how much I loved the music I and August used to make. The feeling I get whenever I press my fingers on the strings, the colors each strum produces, how I was able to make my own music with her. My own world. It was priceless ……

More than two years ago, for some reason, I stopped playing guitar. Stopped making songs. I stopped doing what I loved. I stopped because I was bitter with my life.

Yuck …. That was stupid ..

Stupid. I am never gonna be that stupid again :) So I wiped the dust and dirt off August, bought new a new set of strings, a capo and a pick- things I used to own and used to treasure. I’ve been playing guitar right after I tuned it. And I was surprised that I was still able to tune properly :) I forgot the songs I used to play though so I’m learning a new set. My fingers hurt like hell now and it’s purple ! But i don’t care !! XD

I missed this. I cannot believe I lived two years of my life without this.